In October, myself and Helen, Jonah Wynn’s Godmother, traveled to Burlington, Vermont so I could take part in research for Preeclampsia/Hellp Syndrome.  There we met Dr. Bernstein and his researchers and learned so much more about the disease that took my daughter away from her family.  When the opportunity was put forth I knew I had to take it and we both traveled the 1,202 kilometres to get more of the answers I needed.

Brad and I knew before I was even pregnant that we would ask both Helen and her husband Terry, to take on the role of Godparents, if we were to be blessed with another child.  Both my son, daughter, and myself share the same Godmother, Aunt Mikki.  She played a very important role in my life and was very special to me.  After my Aunt Mikki passed away I knew Helen was the right person to take on such an important role and I know Aunt Mikki would also feel that Helen was a perfect fit.  Since Jonah’s passing Helen has taken a lead role in getting me back on the road to recovery and both my family and I are grateful for everything she has done for me.  Her kindness will never be forgotten.

Recently I was given another opportunity to travel to Toronto, Ontario to take part in the Preeclampsia Symposium and to meet with the Executive Director of the Foundation.  I am not an avid traveler and get nervous traveling on my own however, I feel these opportunities are being given to me for a reason and taking part is something I need to do for myself, for Jonah Wynn, and for our family.

There are no words for me to explain the feeling and guilt I carry knowing my body failed me and to lose our daughter because of it.  She was such a perfect baby and a large part of me died with her when she left us.  So, for day twenty of my healing I know I need to ask more questions and to further educate myself on Preeclampsia/Hellp Syndrome in order for me to move forward.

Today I created a list of questions I need further clarification on and I will keep an open mind during the symposium, make a concerted effort to contribute by answering questions and providing the patient prospective, and by giving in any way I can.  I look forward to the event which takes place on Wednesday and pray that somehow being part of it will help me find peace.

Day Twenty: Ask questions and get educated on Preeclampsia/Hellp Syndrome